Jeg er så heldig at jeg har en lillebror fra annen mor, som bor i Canada. Jeg traff han da jeg var i India med Adelina den gang 4 år. Vi var 4 uker i Goa og jobbet frivillig. Du kan lese om turen vår HER om du ønsker det..
Men ja min kjære lillebror er tilbake dit, og med det dårlig nett som er der. Har han likevel klart å sende meg brev og masse bilder og videoer.
Men så får jeg ikke åpnet de bildene. Men jeg fikk ordnet det likevel.
Jeg er så heldig at jeg får delta i turen deres likevel, selv om det er veldig rart å tenke at lillebror er der uten meg. Buhuuu
Han følte det vist helt likt selv. Så det er godt det går begge veier.
Jeg elsker mennesker som sier ting som det er. Ærlige med sine følelser. Rart og godt å tenke at selvom våres generasjon ikke snakker stort om følelser. Så lærer vi barna våres å høre på deres.
Det er jo fantastisk vi sier ting til dem vi ikke gjør selv til vanlig. Altså jeg er jo følelsemenneske da. Men ja, uansett her handlet dette ikke om noen enn reisebrev i fra min kjære bror. Det var slik det var.
Se her, begynner å bli litt puff igjen i meg. Men ja jeg har tenkt masse tanker. Og jeg har skjønt nå at en trenger å komme seg ut av huset, hvis noe skal skje.
Men jeg har endelig huset for meg selv. Og det begynner å bli så koselig. Så rolig og fredelig. Det er høst, alle går jo i hi nå så. Men ja det er godt å være i sitt eget hjem og ikke blande seg inn i unødvendig drama. Og la bare folk bare være det dem er.
Jeg skal ikke få jabbe kick i denne tråden. Jeg kan ta den en annen plass. Men ja Tusen takk til deg kjære søster, kjære bror, kjære menneske For akkurat du finnes.
Om du hadde vist hvor viktig du er for så mange. Om du hadde bare trodd på deg selv like mye som du tror på andre og sett deg selv i andre sine øyner. Ja dette var egentlig pep talk til meg selv også … bare så det er sagt.
Og ja ikke bry seg om hatere, dem vil jo ikke hate i bunn og grunn. Vi vil jo ALLE bli trodd og forstått. Selvom noen klarer å vri og vrenge på virkeligheten.
Så likevel hvis jeg skal gi min forståelse til det. Så er det jo for dem vil bli trodd av det dem ser av deres side av verden.
Dessuten trigge hverandre er bra også, for da lærer en mye av seg selv faktisk.
Men ja dette var leserbrev ja. Åh noe lunde godt å kjenne at lokk i hodet driver og gir slipp. Den har holdt på siden i fjor, lurer på om det gir noen gang helt slipp. Eller bare daner ny propp seg, for hver gang en skifter “skinn”…?
Jaja det finner jeg vel ut når jeg har gått gjennom dette livet.
Men ja det er løsrivelse tid gitt, aksept tid. Det kjennes som nytt, skummelt og spennende, kvalmende, skremmende og samtidig masse glede føler jeg når jeg tenker på det. Levende rett og slett..
Så da kan det ikke være annet enn Riktig. Så jeg bare puster med magen og tenker kanskje jeg skal bli litt glad i være mer ute og kanskje jeg treffer på mennesker jeg kan glede og jeg får glede av det selv.
Men ja jeg pleier å ta maraton, når jeg først gjør slikt. Men jeg tenkte kanskje begynne rolig fra nå av.
Vi får se. Hver dag er det ny greie. Heldigvis er alt alltid i bevegelse. Ingen dag er like. Jeg er takknemlig at jeg kan stå opp i varmt hus og har mat og rent vann å drikke.
Kjøre bil og komme meg dit jeg skal. Vi tar så mye for gitt at vi planlegger til å med 5 -10 år fram i tid.
Men ja jeg skal ikke ta min jabbe kick her, det var vist sånt det var..
Du fantastiske fine sjel, takk for du har hengt med selvom jeg har ramlet litt sånn av, men samtidig holdt meg fast…
Jeg er glad i akkurat deg <3
PS. Om du ønsker jeg skal dele dine historier send gjerne en epost til meg! Jeg poster med glede.
(Cred to my little Brother from another mother Jessie Law. Thank you for sharing your story and taking your time to send it to me. I looking for go back there again with you guys. Lots of Love and hugs from big Sis.. <3
.The healing of experience..
This is our five week journey to India from Canada and how and why we got here twice. My Dad Fred law, Me Jessie Sperling Law are working with a home for mentally and physically disabled (larsh). As well as some that just needs some assistants and support. We fell in love with India and the people right away!! It has always been my goal and dream to work with people in some way since I was a little kid. I used to want to be a pediatrician when I was in elementary then a counselor in high school. Now I’m 18 in India for second time thinking what’s next after this little bit of school.
Most likely try to get more pieces of paper to be able to live but job wise maybe traveling photographer for a while, then I want to go to school to become a therapist.
The reason India helped me out so much goes way back to why I was needing change In the first place. I struggled in elementary high school with anxiety, and a post-traumatic stress from elementary I did not trust an adults words until grade 9 or 10 because I was labeled with a bunch of wrong labels that were cleared up in high school. They actually thought I was slow and missed everything. But I knew that was wrong but struggled to have a voice, well it’s hard to comprehend that in grade 2 lol.
But then I was tested in grade 9 to come to my surprise I had an above average IQ by far and was so over aware it crippled me to where I could do nothing but be stuck in my head.
This doctor in high school pretty much said your brain is so over active you just need to harness it. I have A.D.D and anxious P.T.S.D from trust issues from other bad experiences. But I have hyper activity in my brain and not my body so I was never jittery, so that’s why on the outside I looked slow and to myself. This diagnosis was related to being too oversensitive and over anxiousness. And was definitely why I feel others emotions and was always the therapist on the playground HAHA.
This took a while to take in around grade end of grade 10 because my trust issues. That’s when I realized I was living my life like a movie and wasn’t progressing or doing anything different for myself and this put me in a spiral for 3 years, slowly went up and down and couldn’t reach out.
So my Dad being the awesome dude he is he made a bunch of cedar boxes which is what he does for a living just in our basement and he saved and sold saved and sold 100s of boxes for me to be able to get away from me sitting at home, groups of unhealthy friendships, drugs, but most of all myself and the revolving doors I kept going through and not realizing.
So my Dad asked.
“Would you want to go on a trip to eastern Canada”? And I said.
“Could we go to a place where we are in new cultures helping and exercising new stuff”?
So my Dad being the cool guy he is said yes and took us here with nothing except his own hands and a lot of wood at 62.
In India we met people I’m glad I met. Green lion people the locals and of course Azi from Norway! Around our first trip to I released a lot of this I did wrong or stuff I saw unclearly.
So if you feel stuck in any way you might just not realize how you are making yourself stuck, sometimes people keep you there by treating you a certain way but it’s your responsibility what your perception. not everyone is aware as some I expected people to just notice my predicament without being able to express what I needed fully.
Azi you actually told me this
“Do you and if you are telling people what you need and they don’t change they aren’t meant for you anyway.”
Not saying everyone should pick up a volunteer position and join something everyone is different, but lean into your bad habits once you realize what’s that habit is and how it’s holding you back. Then break from it. It is a lot easier than trying over and over making that habit more part of your routine. Help addicts if you were and addict or get addicted to adrenalin and working out if you ate too much. Or just chill out if you feel like a work horse.
I know that might seem easy for a millennial 18 year old to say but it isn’t, because I’m just now familiar with my own story to be able to think
through it sanely enough that I can put one foot in front of the other one and be comfortable.
India did all these good thing for me because I always loved working with people but I also saw things that surprised me about India like the hospitality and the caring for everyone. I know it’s not everywhere but for instance in the seek temples allow Hindus, Muslims, Christians any religion can go eat with them for free no matter your wealth your cast everyone is welcome. So lots of people try to not become too detached from reality or where people start and they eat together, celebrate and volunteer together.
Also I feel that in these guys’ religions teach you how to communicate with “God” the universe (whatever gets your goat aha) yourself and not have to depend on a person- middle man or pay or pray for you. I am not religious or super spiritual but this place has made me feel connected to the earth and people again! So thanks India and people that stuck close!
Written by: Jessie S-Law
Photo: Jessie S-Law
